We had friends over last night, by "we" the kids and I. Our neighbors, conveniently each of our best friends, came over to play after school and eat dinner.
The mom-JE, and her 2 boys E and Ry are both the same age as my boys, but 3 months older.
E is 7. He and B-man help each other out a lot, because they are both "different". Having each other has helped them both through some tough times/transitions at school.
B-man doesn't know how to make friends partly because of his AS, and is very socially awkward. Having E living next door to us, makes it easy for them to be friends, they are more like siblings. They fight like siblings, but can always count on each other.
I have known E since he was 2 years old. For as long as I can remember, he has always wanted to play "girl" games, or chooses "girl" toys. I know initially we (his mom and I, and his family) had thought this was just a passing phase and maybe he just needed some male involvement or influence to be swayed to more gender correct likings.
Now almost 6 years later, he is still having the same preference when it comes to toys and clothes, and games he chooses to partake in. Now, though, he has become so accustomed to it, that he enjoys it. He knows that this is what he wants, and has FINALLY been able to find the words to explain and express to all the loving adults in his world, that he is not meant to be a boy. He is a girl, with a boys body.
Honestly, if someone said to me that this was happening to someone they knew, I would probably laugh and assume that the parents are doing something wrong. But I have to say, I have watched this little boy struggle with who he is for 6 years.
He tries to follow the norm, because he has a brother and 2 best buds-also boys that its only natural to want to fit in with, and because most importantly, he -as a 7 year old boy-has to consider how many children at school will make fun of him, or tease him for his choices.
Last night, while JE and I were hoping to catch up on gossip while the kids played together, we spent it COMPLETELY differently. E sat crying about how he doesn't want to pretend to be a boy anymore, he cant hold in his feelings and he wants his hair to grow so people will know he is a girl. And why cant he have been born a girl, and what will they do to his boy parts since he doesn't want them.
I could not wrap my head around it. I am sitting there watching his mother in tears trying to comfort her child, and her child completely out of control and SO SAD because he is a boy and not a girl.
All I wanted to do was comfort him because he is like my own child. There was nothing I could do or say to help him feel better.
He wanted to get up this morning, and put on one of his dresses and cute shoes and go to school as a girl, which is what he wants to do every morning, but he doesn't understand the fear his mother has in him doing this. The conflict and heart ache he will be faced with when he walks into his classroom dressed as he wants to be dressed. I cant imagine being faced with that choice as a parent.
We all want to teach our children to be kind and caring no matter what someone looks like, or how they act. We pride ourselves in the way we raise our children, and hope that they continue to make us proud even when we cant be right there to ensure they are. But society is what it is. I am thankful that my children have also watched Es story unfold and can be aware that this is real life and something that people struggle with and I can only hope that they continue to support and encourage him outside of our home just as they do inside our house and yards when I am standing nearby.
I feel as though today is a turning point for E, he got a lot of his feelings out last night. His mom has a lot to take in and deal with, but I know after watching her child suffer like he did explaining how he feels, she will do this and she will do the best she can to make sure he is and feels supported 100%.
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