Unfiltered

Is it wrong to expect a lot from people? Particularly family and friends? Am I at fault for being let down when someone fails to meet my unwritten standard for them? I have been toying with this for about a year now. I have swayed back and forth, at times thinking I'm to blame and others feeling so alone with nobody to count on but myself.

Am I creating these high, apparently unattainable, standards in an effort to inadvertantly protect myself from ever letting anyone get too close?

Have I completely failed in the theory that not all kids that come from a fucked up childhood or single parent- or no parent family have to be fucked up adults?

 I really thought I had this figured out. I really thought that I could prove that you determine your own destiny, you can let your past be your past and not let your past be your excuse for your future.

Then I stop and think about these things that I've dealt with and they don't make me feel anymore, I talk about it like a story I read... So it's impossible that they are in any way controlling my present decisions or actions or expectations.... Right?!?!?

I know I am happy with myself, the mother I have become and the person I hope to always be. What I need to do is convince myself that it's ok if nobody else agrees with that. My kids are happy and safe and that is my top priority.

I am a loving, caring, extremely judgmental, sarcastic, trustworthy, genuine person and I can stand by that 100%. Maybe I need a sign to remind myself of this. I need to work on not letting people's shitty choices get me down.

Whew... I needed that rant... Now maybe I can sleep better tonight!